My Official CES Evening Reception Rejection Letter

Dear media participant,

We’re sorry to inform you we are not accepting your application to our January event “50 Diddy Dinner Blog Reception Yo Dog With Snacks – Invite Only” in Las Vegas at this time. For the reasons we have listed below, you do not meet our media credential requirements.

For accreditation, you must provide verification for the following:

1. At least one published article in a major newsstand magazine, blog, grocery store supplement, high-circulation neighborhood flyer, or medical journal. We also accept hand-written notes, parchments from ancient times, retweets, a casual comment at another 50 Diddy dinner party overheard by one of our coordinators and/or recorded on an iPhone using the Voice Memo app, or a hall pass.

2. Full-time working journalist who makes a living covering one of the following subjects: travel, technology, business, medical procedures (nothing gross, please), sports and fitness, ontology, quiz shows, Netflix original television shows, pediatric nursing, Bruce Springsteen, that oil field thing in North Dakota that’s semi-controversial (kinda), low-cost 4K televisions (both of them), or tents.

3. An official letter on company letterhead, signed by your editor, confirming you have permission to attend the event. By “permission” we mean they have a vague idea about where Las Vegas is on a map, they know you by name or at least by your Twitter handle, and they mumbled something about giving you the green light to eat free snacks on the trip. Win!

4. Membership to an accredited journalist society, including any or all of the following: National Journalism Board, the Journalist Society of North America (any chapter), Worldwide Journalism Guild, Journo Review, Dudes Who Write Club, Greeting Card Writers Who Don’t Suck Society, or that one organization that meets at the library every other Friday at noon.

5. An official company business card with your name and title – and not those crap paper sheets you buy at Target with the perforated edges. One time, there was this “journalist” name Bob Seger (right, right) who tried to get into the “50 Diddy Dinner Blog Reception Yo Dog With Snacks – Invite Only” event in 2009 with a fake business card. We killed him. He’s dead. No applic-o anymore-o.

If you feel you do meet this criteria for acceptance into the event, please contact us immediately and we will re-consider your application. Oh, and we were just kidding about killing Bob Seger.

Sincerely,

The Event Coordination Team